Tales of a Headhunter part 4: What type of salesperson are you?

Everyone knows only desperate attention seekers resort to turning a blog post into a quiz in the vain hope that more people will read and comment on it.

So, here's mine!

What type of salesperson are you? This is a question I regularly obsessed over when I was a headhunter, mainly because I was still finding my feet and there were so many different archetypes to choose from in my office alone, each of whom enjoyed varying rates of success. I knew I couldn't be all things to all people and that I couldn't please everyone every time, so I shopped around for the style that suited my personality best and stuck with it. Sort of.

In truth, I did try to be all things to all people and I did try to please everyone every time - at first. I then realised I was never going to succeed as long as I kept pretending to be someone I wasn't. I have since boiled down my list of archetypal salespeople to just five. Take a look below and see what type of salesperson you REALLY are.

By the way, I take no responsibility for however unflattering you may find your results....


Type 1: Phone Monkey

Monkey see, Monkey do. You see all the most successful people on the sales floor spending three or four hours a day on the phone, so you do the same. Bizarrely, this is actually incredibly effective. It's no different from walking the length of the King's Road and asking every man or woman you see to sleep with you. You'll get a few horrified looks, some harsh words, and maybe even a black eye, but you'll never go home alone.

There is a magic ingredient though, which all who aspire to 'Phone Monkeydom' must possess before they can ascend to the heady heights of success. Complete and total shamelessness - and absolutely no regard for how others see you.

Have you got what it takes, Cheetah?


Type 2: Cheeky Chappy

The Cheeky Chappy is actually a far more sophisticated animal than the name suggests. I used to idolise the people in my firm who successfully mastered this approach because they made their success look effortless, when in fact a lot of thought and strategy went into every sales call. Unlike the phone monkey, the Cheeky Chappy carefully selects their prey and their conversations are friendly and personal. These guys don't win clients, they make friends.

How do you spot a Cheeky Chappy? Well, you know that person you can never get mad at no matter how many times they cheat on you with your best friend - that's the one. Therein also lies the problem. They are chronically unreliable and susceptible to being rolled over by a client, partner, or even employee, because they've been mixing business with friendship for so long.

If this is you, then you have a bright future ahead, but keep your feet on the ground and remember: flowers say 'I love you' and chocolates say 'I'm sorry'. You'll be needing them.


Type 3: La Femme Fatale

This can apply just as readily to men as to women. They make everyone they speak to fall in love with them - or at least lust after them. How is this not just a variation of the 'Cheeky Chappy' you ask? Simple, Femmes Fatales are ruthless! They know exactly what they are doing and are under no illusions about where the line between business and pleasure must be drawn. They are professionals of the highest order and watching them work at once fills me with awe and terror. They are Psirens to my Odysseus. Allow them to take you in just once and you will never get out alive.

The good news is, you can spot them a mile away and you know you are speaking to one, the moment you meet them. The sultry voice, the expensive clothes, the Italian shoes, the absence of even a single split end, and the scent of luxury perfume or aftershave.

You don't need me to tell you if this is your type because you've known it since the day you were born.


Type 4: The Bulldog (aka Hominis Horriblis)

I was tempted to label this type the son of a b*tch because they normally are for the most part. The bulldog is the evil twin of the 'Phone Monkey'. They don't know what people think of them and they don't care. Whereas the 'Phone Monkey' simply lacks self-awareness, what these guys are missing is a soul, but they get the job done - mainly by making their clients fear that they will wake up with a horse's head in their bed if they don't buy whatever it is they are selling - NOW!

The clever consultancies learn to make the best of these people though. They send the bulldogs in to open all the doors (or just kick them down) and in behind follows the Cheeky Chappy to make clear that all those death threats were just a simple misunderstanding and will never happen again - cue chocolates.

If this is you - take what you want, just please don't hurt me.


Type 5: The Doctor

"Tell me where it hurts and I will make the pain go away". Ladies and gentlemen, you've just been consulted by 'The Doctor'. Sympathetic, scientific, and softly spoken, he or she doesn't want to sell to you, they just want to help - in return for a small fee. 'The Doctor' is an all-round nice person, someone you can talk to, and someone you can trust. They ask what they can do for you today and sit patiently for however long it takes for you to open up and tell them what the problem is. They then explain in meticulous detail how they plan to solve this problem and that they are here for you should you wish to avail yourself of their services.

The problem with doctors is that they rely on existing relationships or recommendations from satisfied customers. They don't do well on a cold call, which is no surprise. If an actual doctor appeared on your doorstep uninvited and asked to give you a physical, would you let them in?

By the way, if you are an a***hole pretending to be a 'Doctor', bad news: you are a 'Femme Fatale'.

Until next time.

Hugs :)







  

Tales of a Headhunter part 3: The Cold Call

So far, we've gone round the world in 80 stereotypes, and exposed the pranksters and prats who hold our careers in their hands. Whatever could be left?

The Cold Call!

Most of you reading this will have been on the receiving end of a cold call at some point in your life (and several of you will have made them yourselves), but how many of you know the lengths a headhunter will go to in order to reach you?  Naturally, your author being the dignified and honest professional that he is had to shop around for a few stories this time, but first a few tips on how to avoid embarrassing yourself when making a cold call.


1) Don't say it's personal

Boys and girls, I regret to confirm that the personal assistants (PA) of this world have now cottoned on to this once unbeatable strategy - saying it's a personal call. They do not believe you any more than those rich relatives you only speak to once a year when you're short on cash do when you tell them you're 'just calling to say hello'. Only the most clueless of receptionists, gate-keepers, guardians of the Underworld (whatever we're calling them these days) would accept that you know your target personally, especially since you're having to go through a random switchboard to get hold of them. You might as well say you're calling to inform them they've won the Nigerian lottery.

2) Don't say you're returning their call

The last time I overheard someone try this, it led to a bizarre back and forth with the PA they were trying to get past which succeeded only in making them look like they were following up on an imaginary conversation that never happened with someone they didn't know. It went something like this:

Headhunter: Can I speak to Mr X please?
PA: Who's calling please?

Headhunter: My name is XXX and I am returning his call
PA: Where are you calling from?

Headhunter: I just got a message to call him back and this is the only number that was given.
PA: What is the call regarding please?
Headhunter: How should I know? He's the one who called me.

3) Don't pretend to be fluent in a language you don't speak

You'd think this one would be a no-brainer. Alas, fellow headhunters, there was a time when even your distinguished author believed that his A-level Spanish, which he hadn't practiced for almost ten years, would sustain him in a sales call to a telecoms specialist in Madrid. It didn't. Mainly because most of the language required for this conversation was technical terminology that I hadn't even mastered in English yet.

Funnier still was the resolute belief of some of my neighbouring consultants that the key to overcoming the language barrier was speaking as loudly and slowly as possible. Add a bad phone line to the equation and you got the hilarious sight of them bellowing the same phrases down the phone for 30 minutes with all eyes on them as an office of 70 people was forced to wait for the call to end before resuming their own work.

Fail!

4) Tried and tested tricks of the trade

I asked several of my friends from the industry, who shall remain nameless to send me the best lines they had ever used to acquire their target. Here are some of my favourites:

The alter-egos: Dr Gray and Gupta Singh

"I pretended to be a "Dr James Gray" who had significant and confidential health news for the Chief Tech Officer of a major telecommunications company. This actually fooled his secretary who apparently kept on asking him what health problems he had for months afterward."

This still isn't as bad as another chap named Gary whose alter-ego was "Gupta Singh", a pushy and annoying Indian man that would not take no for an answer. Direct quote: "It's easier to be rude if you sound foreign".

Perhaps the most entertaining part of Dr Gray's contribution was when I challenged him on the ethics of his approach and that of his colleague, to which he responded:

Well it was 2005... and I take no responsibility for Gary!

The name droppers: Randall Savage and the Fugees

Another friend of mine and his team decided to make cold calling more interesting by challenging each other name drop professional wrestlers in their conversations. The premise of the game, as he explained, was:

"Who could name the most pro-wrestlers in one lead stripping exercise. For example: Interesting you worked for Jimmy Jib IT Solutions Ltd. I work with Randall, Randall Savage - was he your manager down there?"

I myself vividly remember one Friday afternoon where my team and I decided to play a little game of or own: who could insert a song title into their cold call and make it sound completely natural? The winning song proved to be 'Killing me Softly' thanks to this conversation:

Headhunter: Is that Dave?

Dave: Speaking.

Headhunter: Hi Dave. My name is XXX and I'm calling from XXX. I found your CV online today and think you'd be perfect for the job I'm working on - are you looking for work right now?

Dave: No, I'm not. Sorry.

Headhunter: Oh no, Dave, mate, you're killing me softly here. Are you sure?

Unfortunately, 'Rasberry Beret' proved to be less fruitful (no pun intended) and ended with the consultant hanging up on his customer half way through the call when he couldn't bring himself to finish the job.

Where was I in all this? I was the one picking the song titles for other people to say. Hey, I was bored, not stupid.

Do not try this at work!

The worst cold call trick I have ever heard used is someone posing as the flatmate of the person they want to reach, calling to tell them that their house is on fire and they could not get through to them on their mobile. Practice this one at your own peril boys and girls because God help you when you actually get through to that person and you have to explain who you really are.

Think outside the box - yes!
Pretend the box is on fire - no!

That's it from me.

Hugs :)